The holidays can be especially stressful for divorced parents – particularly when one or both parents put their continued resentments above the spirit of the season. One of the biggest sources of stress often revolves around gifts for the kids.
Too often, parents view it as a competition to see who can give their children the most expensive and/or most popular gifts. They may do this because they feel guilty about the tumult the divorce has brought to the family. Other times, they’re trying to make up for not spending as much time with them as they used to. Sometimes, it’s purely an effort to be the more popular parent – or even make their ex look bad.
If this has been your co-parent’s habit in the years since you broke up and you have no reason to believe this year will be any different, you can take steps to break them of the habit. Even if it hasn’t worked in the past, it’s worth another shot.
Set spending limits
Recommend setting a spending limit per child, per parent. This can include multiple smaller gifts or one gift that costs the full amount that will be from each of you individually. If there’s something more expensive that a child really wants or needs (and you both agree that it’s appropriate), have it come from both of you and agree on how you’ll split the cost.
If a child’s gifts still come from Santa, you’ll still want to set a limit and agree on how to split the expense. It’s important for parents to share letters and other wishes expressed to Santa wherever they run into him with one another.
What if the overspending continues?
If your co-parent is determined to ignore your wishes and indulge the kids in lavish presents you can’t afford or think are too extravagant, you may want to consider seeking a provision in your parenting plan to address gifts for the kids (for all occasions).
Further, if your co-parent can afford expensive gifts or maybe lavish holiday ski vacations that you can’t, it may be time to reevaluate your child support order (whether you’re the one receiving support or paying it). Even mentioning your intention may incentivize your co-parent to curb their spending.
Seeking modifications to parenting plans and support orders requires sound legal guidance. In the meantime, focus on what you can give your kids – like holiday memories that cost little or nothing and will likely stay with them long after the gifts are gone and forgotten.
