Divorce is often an emotional and challenging process, and it becomes even more difficult when you and your spouse have children to consider. Ideally, a divorcing couple will work hard to minimize the impact of the separation on the children.
However, some spouses may try to manipulate the situation by using the children to hurt the other parent. If your spouse is doing this to gain leverage or control the divorce process, it is important to know what you can do about it.
Signs your spouse is using your kids against you
One common tactic involves turning the children against the other parent. A spouse might speak negatively about the other parent in front of the children, creating a sense of fear or resentment. This behavior, known as parental alienation, can damage the child’s relationship with the other parent.
Another sign involves using the children to gather information. A spouse might ask the children invasive questions about the other parent’s personal life or activities. This approach puts children in an uncomfortable position and can make them feel like they must choose sides.
Some spouses use visitation schedules as a weapon. They may withhold time with the children or refuse to cooperate with custody arrangements to frustrate or punish the other parent.
Additionally, some spouses manipulate financial situations involving the children, such as delaying child support payments or overspending on unnecessary items to create financial strain.
What you can do if this happens
If you notice your spouse is using the children to gain an upper hand in the divorce, you can take steps to protect your family. Keep detailed records of incidents, such as missed visitation times, negative comments made in front of the children or any actions that harm your relationship with the child.
Seek help from the court to ensure custody and visitation arrangements remain fair and enforceable. California courts strongly discourage any actions that harm the child’s emotional well-being or compromise their relationship with either parent.
The court evaluates the actions of both parents when making custody decisions, so maintaining a positive and supportive approach can strengthen your case. Always prioritize your child’s best interests to navigate these challenges effectively.
